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Health, Mind & Body |
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Comfort: A Journey Through Grief
written by Ann Hood
Studio : W. W. Norton
by W. W. Norton
Publisher : W. W. Norton
Released : 2008-05-12
Availability : Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Number of Items : 1
EAN : 9780393064568
Avg. Customer Rating: (based on 21 reviews)
List Price : $19.95
Our Price : $11.96
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Product Description |
A moving and remarkable memoir about the sudden death of a daughter, surviving grief, and learning to love again.
In 2002, Ann Hood's five-year-old daughter Grace died suddenly from a virulent form of strep throat. Stunned and devastated, the family searched for comfort in a time when none seemed possible. Hood—an accomplished novelist—was unable to read or write. She could only reflect on her lost daughter—"the way she looked splashing in the bathtub...the way we sang 'Eight Days a Week.' " One day, a friend suggested she learn to knit. Knitting soothed her and gave her something to do. Eventually, she began to read and write again. A semblance of normalcy returned, but grief, in ever new and different forms, still held the family. What they could not know was that comfort would come, and in surprising ways. Hood traces her descent into grief and reveals how she found comfort and hope again—a journey to recovery that culminates with a newly adopted daughter. |
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There is no comfort in this book |
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This book should never have been called " Comfort - A journey through Grief." It should have been called "Self Indulgence - A journey through repetition." I too lost my daughter...she was 14 and died from respiratory illness. I seek out books like this to help me with my own grief. This book did not provide any help, let alone comfort. To the contrary, it irritated me because of the lack of any attempt by Ms. Hood to discuss comfort or healing and the observations that she repeated over and over, ad nauseum. And where is the journey of the title? Ann Hood says late in the book (almost at the end, in fact) that she doesn't know how she got from there to here. She is referring to going from being the crazy woman with the dirty clothes to being the woman who wrote a new novel. If she doesn't know this, then it is misleading and irresponsible to call this book a journey. I can see how people who have not lost a child would find this book poignant, but as someone trying to make my own journey through grief over my loss, this book is a fraud. |
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Finding Hope in Grief |
I have just finished reading "Comfort" by Ann Hood and I sit here stunned. Never have I been a witness to such raw and intimate emotion. Ann writes of her tortuous journey of trying to cope with her grief after the sudden death of her daughter, Gracie. "She was only five years old." The reiterating of this sentence and the phrases describing her frantic experiences that day in the hospital, over and over again throughout the book, convey the sense of disbelief, helplessness, and raw pain throughout the memoir.
Ann Hood is not a new author to me. I have read many of her other books. "Do Not Go Gently" about dealing with the impeding loss of her father to cancer also revealed her ability to put on paper what was coursing through her veins. "The Knitting Circle" a fictional story of a woman trying to put her life together after the loss of her daughter, was her previous attempt to try to tell the story of the loss of Gracie. In each of these, woven in with the phrases of pain and brutal honesty is an energy and lust for life that is redeeming. I find myself crying and then laughing with tenderness as she goes on to mention something that brings to life the human spirit to survive and cope.
Even though the book deals with such tragedy and pain, it is not a downer. I am left with a sense of connection to Ann and her family that make me want to hug her and bring a cake over to her house. She is each of us...she is a mother who isn't afraid to feel her pain and share it with us. She is a wife who isolates herself in a corner one minute and then grasps tenaciously to her husband in the next. She is a woman who exhibits love, anger, longing, strength and determination. If she can walk through this then there is hope for all of us who also have difficult journeys in our future.
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A Mother's Grief Shared Comfort |
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There is a kinship between those who have suffered the death of a child, and this book speaks to that familiarity, and the healing that begins to nudge its way in as the retelling occurs. I nodded my head in agreement, and cried as Ann shared the journey of her grief, the silly things people think they have to say to a grieving parent, and the reality of the words "I'm still here". This book is an empathetic comfort for those who have known the tragedy of burying a child. |
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Grief Unveiled |
Reading Ann Hood's best-selling novel The Knitting Circle, I sensed that she was doing exactly what aspiring writers are told to do: She was writing what she knew well: Knitting, friendship, life's challenges--and losses. What I didn't realize as I read her wonderful novel was that she held a deeper, far more intimate story that was begging to be told. Comfort: A Journey Through Grief is that very personal story about the sudden loss of Hood's five-year-old daughter Grace. With the kind of raw emotion that only a survivor of such grief can share, she journeys back to the events that define her losses and finds light and hope in what seems to be a hopelessly dark place.
In a searing prologue bearing the same title as the book ("Comfort"), Hood begins and ends with the thought that "Time heals," methodically listing the comments that people made to her in the aftermath of Grace's death. Interspersed among the well-intentioned words of others, Hood writes her own rebuttals and rebukes of them. "Once you have lived through all of the firsts, it will get better." ... "Are you writing down how you feel?" "But I cannot write. I cannot think of anything but her." ... "She is in a better place." But how can a five-year-old little girl be in a better place without her mother?" "Are you writing any of this down?" "Only the lies people tell me. There are no words for the size of this grief. There are only lies."
By the time I finished reading the prologue, her words clutched my heart and threatened to never let go.
They say that writing about such pain is therapeutic. I say that reading this book is also therapeutic. As a mother and a nurse, I cannot imagine having to make sense of the loss of a young and healthy child. Likewise, I cannot imagine having to function and move forward after such a shock. Hood reveals just how terribly difficult it is to go anywhere but inward.
"In the days and weeks and months that followed, I told these details over and over and over to anyone who would listen. Repeating them made the story which seemed unbeliebable still, real. It was as if by repeating the details I cold somehow understand them, understand what had happened to Grace, to our family." (Chapter Two: Knitting Lessons).
This book will take you on an emotional ride unlike any other. I have emerged from the pages of this book with an incredible ache for Hood's loss but also with joy for her renewed hope for the future, in her adopted daughter, Annabelle.
Written with grace and brutal honesty, Comfort has touched my life and is sure to touch the lives of all who read about Ann Hood's powerful journey.
by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women |
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Hug your children and don't let go... |
The author's five year old daughter Grace died suddenly. She writes about her life and her coping with her grief. While the subject matter may turn many away, this 186 page book, which can be read in one sitting, will move you and particularly so if you have children.
Many compare this book to Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. From my point of view, this book is in a different class - far superior - coming deep from the author's soul where you live and feel the grief as you turn the pages. For example (P. 96): "I have read that when someone loses an arm or leg, for months afterward they still feel the pain in their missing limb. A phantom limb, it is called, as if the outline or shadow of that limb is still there. That is what my arm became. Phantom limbs, aching for Grace. At night I would wake up in pain, my arms actually hurting with longing for her. It is hard to imagine that emptiness can cause pain, but my empty arms arched."
The book is beautifully written. The author has a knack of bringing alive small every day experiences - "I ate wine biscuits twisted into pretzel shapes and hard bread dipped into tomato sauce, tight batons of prosciutto and crunchy stalks of fennel dripping with olive oil."
Hood is direct in explaining her grief - there is no magic silver bullet to deal it.
"Writing about Grace, losing her, loving her, anything at all is not linear. Readers wants a writer to be able to connect the dots. But these dots don't connect. One day I think about how knitting saved my life, and I write about that. But how do I connect it to other parts of my grief? Grief doesn't have a plot. It isn't smooth. There is no beginning and middle and end."
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"It had been three years since Grace had died. Slowly, we were back to work, out with friends again. Our loss still filled our home, every corner of it. It still filled us. Time doesn't heal, I had learned, it just keeps moving. And it takes us with it."
And finally, she expresses her anguish in vivid heartbreaking ways:
"The first time I walked into Grace's room after she died, when the reality of what had happened to us in the past forty-eight hours was still unbelievable, the first things I saw were those tights. I saw them and screamed, not the kind of scream that comes from fright, but the kind that comes from the deepest grief imaginable. It is a scream that comes when there are no words to express what you feel. It is an argument with God or life or death. It is a scream that rails against logic and fate and everything there is."
Hood eventually turns the corner but never shakes the horror and pain of losing a loved one. Hood's grief comes alive and is real as you turn the pages. Sad but emotionally stirring book.
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