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Health, Mind & Body |
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How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together
written by Susan Page
Studio : Broadway
by Broadway
Release Date : 1998-01-05
Publisher : Broadway
Released : 1998-01-05
Availability : Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Number of Items : 1
EAN : 9780767900423
Avg. Customer Rating: (based on 30 reviews)
List Price : $15.95
Our Price : $6.34
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Product Description |
Susan Page's groundbreaking approach to relationships gives readers the tools and encouragement they need to bring positive changes to their relationship, even when their partners are unwilling to do the work. Based on the premise that what you do in a relationship makes changes faster than anything you discuss, Page introduces the concept of "Loving Leadership" and offers fourteen empowering and doable strategies for recapturing the positive feelings, including how to:- Overcome resentment and move beyond blame
- Solve major problems--one at a time
- Recapture lost intimacy
Step-by-step, Page demonstrates that with tangible goals, and new ways of thinking, one partner can bring new levels of harmony and love to a relationship. |
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Don't get your hopes up |
The premise that one person in a two-person relationship can do all the work and save the relationship is a faulty one to begin with. I had purchased this book after reading reviews which hyped the book as something other than it really is. Simply put, it's yet another example of reinforcing the idea that women should be saddled with the entire responsibility of keeping a marriage together. The more progressive-minded couple will probably not be convinced by Page's arguments.
For example, early on Page answers questions she presumes naysayers will ask. One asks if it's fair to expect just one person in a relationship to do all the work. Her reply is "not much in life is fair." Honestly, we don't need a book to tell us this, and it doesn't answer the question. Another question brings up the problem of women being the ones expected to salvage a relationship. Page's reply is to claim that is a false generalization and that women call men "jerks" all the time, while men never do the same in return. Really? She's never watched a sitcom where all the men sit around playing poker and grousing about "the old ball and chain"? Either Page is woefully underinformed or deliberately misleading, and either one is unacceptable for someone who is promising to help you with something as important as your marriage.
Much of the advice in the book is passive-aggressive nonsense, such as refusing to do your own chores if your spouse doesn't do their share, leaving without your spouse if they're late getting ready, or pulling a prank on your spouse if they have a small quirk that irritates you.
Other advice is downright dangerous. One example is her contention that you should let go of being right in a situation and letting your spouse think they're right. This may be fine when it comes to something mundane like doing dishes, but not so good when dealing with a workaholic or overcontrolling personality.
Page is also sadly old-fashioned and out of touch. She recommends pretending that you want to have sex even if you don't ("lie back and think of England", basically) and says that if your husband doesn't compliment you on looking nice, don't worry because women only dress up for other women, never for men.
I also found the examples from couples to be written very stiffly (a problem I admit I find in a lot of self-help books, this is not at all the only one) and too numerous. Page makes plenty of references to what seem on the surface to be scholarly articles, such as a reference to "that teacher who believed her above average students were below average, and caused the students to perform below average due to her expectations". However, nothing in the very short bibliography explains this allusion and there are no footnotes. For all we know this is just an anecdote that Page heard somewhere.
The good advice in this book can all be found elsewhere. The notion of understanding your anger is a good one, but you can get much better books such as Thich Nhat Hanh's Anger, or Full Catastrophe Living by John Kabat-Zinn. Self-affirmation is the subject of Chapter 7, but almost any book on self-affirmation will give you more of what you need. Page advises the reader to ask several questions of themselves, but there are a lot of books out there with the same questions presented in a much more readable manner. Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay is one such book.
I urge people to look elsewhere for good advice. There's no shame in taking the lead in trying to rescue a relationship, but one should not expect to work entirely alone in the task. And if you have more than a few surface problems, this book will not help you. |
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Great Way to Buy Books |
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I was very pleased with the quality of my book purchase and the timeliness in which it arrived. The condition of the book was just like it was described and I will definitely continue to purchase future books through Americancivilwar. Why not recycle books instead of packing them in boxes or sitting on book shelves for years after they've been enjoyed. This is a great alternative and best money-saving offer I've seen in a long time. How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together |
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Not helpful if he's already left you. |
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To begin. I was very pleased with this book. Being a Christian, I found it useful to read because the author was once a minister. It began to impact the way I saw myself as acting, and I began a new positive outlook on my marriage. But later on down the line, I realized that Susan Page uses one too many "couples examples" in this book, and it wears my attention thin. I found myself skipping several pages at a time, in an attempt to get away from her incessant examples. Most all of them had absolutely nothing to do with my own marriage. And to top it off, I cannot recommend this book for those who's spouse has already left and been MIA for many months. Being physically together is absolutely a necessity for this book producing any tangible success. The title of the book is very misleading. You see it and think "Wow, I can change myself and make him or her come back". Maybe so. But its really for those who's marriage is on the verge of divorce and the two are still together in the house fighting. |
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Just go to pages 283-285 for immediate help. |
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I am on the verge of a divorce, and it's clear that I have to be the one to save this marriage. I am a woman. My husband has said to me that I need to fix it. This book is helpful, but I don't know if this will be enough to save it. I have been applying the techniques of this book since I first opened it, and my husband only notices a tiny teeny amount of difference. He says there is a TON left to do. I am somewhat disheartened, because I thought what this book suggests would do more. It does very little in a very messed up marriage, it seems. I am very sad to report this because I wanted so much more, but I plan to keep trying the strategies in this book, and apply the ideas and use the knowledge as much as I can. If I can, I will update this review if it does indeed save my marriage. So far, a little goes only a little ways. If you have the book already and want to just get 'to the point' and read the main point of what the book is about - what YOU can do to save the marriage, just read pages 283-285. That is the Review What We Have Learned Page. The rest of the book just goes about describing these principles. To get right to it, if your marriage is on its last legs and you need help fast, just read these pages and start applying the techniques right away. I still suggest reading the book, it cites examples and reasons why these techniques work, but if you need help ASAP, that is what I would suggest. Overall, things that this book suggests might work, but not if your marriage is almost on the verge of signing divorce papers. In my case, my husband is the one that is almost signing them, and even though I am applying what I have learned, I really don't think it will be enough, not because I don't believe in what the author says, because I do, but because I have done my best and my husband notices hardly a bit of difference. I continue my search for a relationship book that will help me. |
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AMAZING! |
I didn't believe at all that this would work but it really really did!
The whole idea of "good will" seemed rediculous to me, until I tried it and discovered it really works!
There are plenty of exercises to try, things to experiement, and so much advice!
A MUST READ FOR EVERY RELATIONSHIP!!!
It's not about fixing a broken marriage, this works for anyone who is in a relationship and wants to keep it successful!
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