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Parenting & Families |
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Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents
written by Allison Bottke
Studio : Harvest House Publishers
by Harvest House Publishers
Publisher : Harvest House Publishers
Released : 2008-02-01
Availability : Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Number of Items : 1
EAN : 9780736921350
Avg. Customer Rating: (based on 18 reviews)
List Price : $11.99
Our Price : $6.65
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Product Description |
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This important and compassionate new book from the creator of the successful God Allows U-Turns series will help parents and grandparents of the many adult children who continue to make life painful for their loved ones. Writing from firsthand experience, Allison identifies the lies that kept her, and ultimately her son in bondage—and how she overcame them. Additional real life stories from other parents are woven through the text. A tough–love book to help readers cope with dysfunctional adult children, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children will empower families by offering hope and healing through S.A.N.I.T.Y.—a six–step program to help parents regain control in their homes and in their lives. - S = STOP Enabling, STOP Blaming Yourself, and STOP the Flow of Money
- A = Assemble a Support Group
- N = Nip Excuses in the Bud
- I = Implement Rules/Boundaries
- T = Trust Your Instincts
- Y = Yield Everything to God
Foreword by Carol Kent (When I Lay My Isaac Down) |
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FInally someone that can relate |
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I have been struggling with my son for years and now I see that my enabling was not showing him understanding and love it was encouraging him to keep his bad habits and lack of motivation. |
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Awesome book! |
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I felt like this book was written especially for me and about my 21 year old son. It has been very insightful and helpful. |
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Fantastic guide to stop enabling your children |
Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke is an empowering book about letting your children go. Bottke's story is sad, and all too familiar to a lot of parents. Her adult son was addicted to drugs and has done multiple stints in prison and rehab. She cleaned up his mistakes, helped him get on his feet numerous times, and in return, he was verbally abusive. Bottke provides a plan called SANITY to stop enabling adult children who are living off of their parents, whether through addictions, bad choices, or just sheer laziness. She includes anecdotes from her own experiences, as well as other parents who have suffered. The advice is solid, as are the quizzes she uses to help the reader determine if they are enablers. My children aren't adults yet, but in reading, I did see several areas where I could end up enabling them in the future if I don't take steps now. Bottke offers hope to parents who are at the end of their rope and don't know where to turn.
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Just what I needed! |
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We have a 40-year-old daughter who is moving back in with us in a small apartment. She has LOTS of problems: BiPolar, Disassociative Personalty Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and others. I found much help in this book to help us help her without continuing to enable her. I would highly recommend this book to any parents with adult children with problems. |
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Sound Suggestions |
I carefully read all reviews here prior to ordering the book. There are many elements of the book that are sound and practical. The emphasis on parents not being taken hostage by their own children is very sound. Likewise, Allison Bottke's exploration of how parents enable their adult children is an excellent portion. Helping, as she says, is doing for our children what they cannot do for themselves; enabling is doing for them what they can do for themselves. Placing the emphasis on creating autonomy--both on the parental and child roles--is also a strength to this book. Overall, Bottke provides a clear path toward separating oneself, nurturing oneself, letting go of the worries over the adult child so that he or she can find independence. Bottke also delves into the power and positive force of support groups such as Al-anon. Very importantly, Bottke gives 20 signposts for troubled, sociopathic people, and this is an invaluable checklist. All told, these constitute solid reminders of our own healthiness, ou boundaries and selves so that we can live in peace.
If I have any personal reservations about the book, it would have to do with the solely Christian path to recovery. Bottke is very up-front about this being a book in which her perspective is based on Christian principles, so she cannot be faulted. As a Christian myself, I appreciate her point of view, but I also wonder whether the foundation of her philosophy does not merely resonate with sound, universally accepted "moral" and "ethical" tenets of civilized people, regardless of their religious persuasion. By isolating this as a Christian text, Bottke, it seems to me, narrows the broader audience who might receive the larger message she gives.
My most serious reservation about this book, however is that Bottke quotes media person Bill O'Reilly, whose view of the culture are too angry and accusatory for me. Honestly, I admit openly that I have no respect for O'Reilly because of his outrageous and vicious commentaries, so this was a depressing moment for me in reading this otherwise good book from an author I want to respect. I'd rather Bottke have said the O'Reilly "excuse abuse" quote herself, from her own life and experience than hauling in O'Reilly. He just comes with too many negative associations and his own checkered personal history in a book about healing and finding peace. |
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